


Lizard Love

by redcandle17



Category: Mad Max Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Humor, Nux Lives, Slit Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 12:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4522839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redcandle17/pseuds/redcandle17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Slit falls in love with Toast, who tries to handle the infatuated War Boy as patiently as she can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a fill for the kink meme prompt "Everybody lives AU. Slit develops a crush on Toast because not only is she shiny but she seems interested in war. He sets about trying to show that he likes her and trying to get her to like him. This involves things like offering her half of a freshly caught lizard (he doesn't understand why she said no thanks) and giving her his second best knife."

Toast felt particularly restless today. It seemed a shame not to be confined to the vault anymore and yet still confine herself to the Citadel. She decided it was time to get in some driving practice. She hadn’t driven in well over a thousand days before Furiosa killed Joe in his own Gigahorse, and the vehicles of the Citadel were so highly modified and customized that she basically needed to learn all over again.

She wasn’t stupid enough to venture out alone though. The Wretched might be a pitiable, victimized people, but that didn’t mean they were all good people, and although she didn’t plan to drive out too far, there were always scavengers and raiders to worry about in the Wasteland.

She didn’t want a whole entourage either. She’d always preferred to be alone or in a select company of people she knew well. She decided one or two War Boys should suffice, and headed down to their training area.

She selected one who seemed particularly adept at combat and who certainly looked intimidating enough. “You there,” she called out. “War Boy! No, not you. You with the metal bits in your face.”

The War Boy she’d indicated sprinted over to her. He seemed positively elated at being singled out, no offense apparently having been taken by her description of him.

“I’m going out for a drive. Want to come along?”

He gaped at her for a moment. Then he interlaced his fingers in that V8 salute and bowed. “I am honored.”

“Let’s go get a car then.”

 

Slit had never been so happy in his life, not even on the two occasions he’d almost made it to Valhalla. Toast the Knowing, one of the Immortan’s own Wives, and the only one who seemed to know anything about doing war, had asked _him_ to ride with her.

He grabbed as many lances as he could carry and a couple of guns, and hopped up into the rear lancer’s perch.

Toast the Knowing stuck her head out of the sun roof. “That’s not quite what I’d had in mind. You could sit inside the car, you know.”

Slit was bemused. How could he lance from inside the car? Wouldn’t be able to throw properly.

She sighed. “Never mind. Stay there if you want.”

Toast the Knowing didn’t seem to have a destination in mind, taking turns seemingly on whims. She wasn’t a good driver, honestly, and several times Slit felt compelled to stick his head in the car and offer her advice. Unlike Nux, she didn’t curse at him or close the sun roof to shut him out, and while she didn’t follow all his advice, she took most of it, which was a good second to getting to drive himself.

He was confused when she stopped in the middle of the empty desert and got out of the car. She perched on the hood and just sat there, swinging her feet and looking out at the horizon. Slit didn’t see anything out there. He held a hand over his eyes for shade from the glare of the sun and stared intently all around them. Other than the Citadel in the distance, there was nothing to be seen.

“We waiting for someone?” he asked finally.

She glanced at him, looking surprised, as if she’d forgotten about him. “No. I just needed to work on my driving.”

That, Slit understood. What he didn’t understand was what they were doing now.

Toast the Knowing offered no explanation. She laid back on the hood of the car and closed her eyes. Slit couldn’t help noticing the curve of her breasts beneath her thin white shirt. Furiosa had emphasized that the War Boys were not even to think of the Wives and had threatened castration if they ever touched one - though from what Slit had heard, the rule didn’t apply to Nux – but Slit reasoned that looking wasn’t thinking and therefore he was permitted to look.

Movement at the edge of his vision caught his attention and he drew a blade and managed to throw it fast enough to impale a lizard. It was a good-sized one, too. Easily three or four mouthfuls big. Slit had bitten off the head and was chewing when it occurred to him that he should have offered his kill to the Wife.

He strolled over to the car and held out the lizard in offering. “Here.”

She recoiled from it. Then she looked up at him and seemed to realize he was giving it to her. “No, thank you,” she said. “I’m not hungry.”

She sat up and slid down to perch on the edge of the car again. “We’ll drive back when you’re done with your lizard.”

Slit ate slowly.


	2. Two

Toast came home to find Nux splashing in the bathing pool. She couldn’t help smiling, though she hoped Capable dragged him out soon so she could bathe before going to bed. Nux would spend all day in the pool if they let him. He’d refused to believe that all this water was just for them to bathe in whenever they liked, and had been thoroughly horrified the first time he saw them ‘sitting in the Aqua Cola’.

“Cheedo was looking for you.” 

Capable was lying on the floor beside the pool, one hand resting beneath her chin and the other rubbing the fuzz on Nux’s scalp. She’d finally succeeded in convincing him to stop shaving his head and she was as seemingly enamored of petting him as he was of playing in the water. 

“I went out driving.” Toast hastened to allay Capable’s concern. “Don’t worry. I took a War Boy with me.” 

“Who?” Nux asked. 

She should probably have asked his name. “The one with the scars like a huge grin and metal in his face.” 

“Slit,” Nux identified. “My lancer. He didn’t try to take your wheel, did he? He’s desperate to be a driver.”

“No, he was helpful.”

Nux looked very surprised to hear that. “Slit, helpful?! Must be ‘cause you’re a Wife.”

“A widow,” Toast corrected, with much satisfaction. “A dusty widow.” She gave Capable a meaningful look. 

“What’s a widow?” Nux asked. 

“A woman whose husband is dead,” Capable answered him. She tugged at his arm. “Let’s go to our room so Toast can have some privacy.” 

Nux clambered out of the pool reluctantly, and Toast quickly averted her eyes. Nux was unfamiliar with the concept of modesty. It had been her and Cheedo who’d delicately suggested to Capable that her War Boy really shouldn’t be lounging in their pool naked. 

The Dag had countered their concern by insisting that there was nothing inherently sexual or threatening about the human body and they ought not to teach impressionable War Boys to be ashamed of their natural forms. It had been quite a discussion. In the end Capable had fashioned underwear for Nux out of her own linens, but Toast soon realized that once wet, the fabric only emphasized Nux’s _parts_ more suggestively than if he’d just been naked. 

Toast forced herself to stop thinking about Nux or about what he and Capable were probably doing now. She stripped and began rinsing off. It wasn’t that she was attracted to Nux personally. If you’d asked her before the escape from Joe, she would have been certain she’d never be interested in contact with any man’s _parts_ again. But seeing and hearing Nux and Capable together had quickly reminded her how much fun a woman could have with a man of her choice. 

Too bad all the Citadel had to offer were crazed War Boys and freed slaves so broken in spirit they could scarcely be thought of as men. 

 

Slit was hurling practice lances with the other lancers when he heard someone calling his name. A female someone. He spun around quickly. 

Toast the Knowing was standing back a safe distance. 

This time Slit managed not to run to her. He sauntered to her slowly, enjoying the envy he knew his fellow lancers must be feeling.

“I’m going driving. Do you want to come with me again?”

Slit nodded eagerly. “Yes.”

Same as last time, Toast the Knowing drove aimlessly out into the middle of nowhere and stopped. She sat on the hood of the car and stared at nothing, and this time Slit knew they might be there for a while, so he began scanning for lizards. 

“Nux said you want to be a driver.”

Slit was startled. He wasn’t expecting her to talk to him. “Yeah,” he answered. “Everyone does.”

“I don’t know why,” she said. “Anyone can drive, but not many people can throw a lance like you.” 

Slit felt light-headed, like he’d been in the sun for too long without any Aqua Cola. So this was why she was called ‘the Knowing’. He’d never realized it, but it was true: anybody could learn to drive, but few people could become a good lancer. Toast the Knowing _knew_. He wanted to drop to his knees and worship her, but he’d seen enough of how things were supposed to be now to be certain she wouldn’t like that.

He didn’t remember the drive back home or the ascent up into the Citadel, and he only remembered dinner because it included a new kind of green thing. Slit laid in his bunk well before sleep time and thought about the revelation from Toast the Knowing. He’d share it with his brother lancers eventually, but for now he wanted to savor being the one she’d chosen to impart the truth to.


	3. Three

Toast wasn’t feeling great today. She was tired, despite having just awoken after a long night’s sleep, and various parts of her body ached and pained. She knew worse was yet to come; she always suffered agonizing cramps on the first day of her bleeding cycle. Part of her wished she could just stay in bed all day, as she’d done when she’d been locked in the vault and had nothing to do anyway, but with freedom came the responsibility to earn one’s keep. Not that she deluded herself about how vital a contribution she was making to the Citadel, but she was trying.

She wasn’t in the best mood, especially not for dealing with people who never experienced this regular torment themselves, such as the War Boy she nearly tripped over as she exited the Dome. “What are you doing here?!”

He scrambled to his feet and saluted her. “I was waiting for you.”

Her irritation increased as she realized it was the War Boy she used as a guard when she went driving. “What do you want?”

Despite the fact that he towered over her, was nearly twice as broad, and was covered in numerous scars advertising his familiarity with violence, he seemed to shrink. Toast felt like she’d struck a small child. And she had, in a way. The War Boys were men in body and warriors by profession, but Joe had made sure they never grew up. He’d intentionally kept them boys emotionally. 

Toast sighed. She briefly touched his shoulder in a silent apology. “Why were you waiting for me, Slit?”

“Wanted to see you. Can I do anything for you?”

She had to be missing some important piece of information. Had someone said something to make him think he was now her personal attendant? “No,” she told him. “I won’t be going out driving today. I don’t feel so well.”

He seemed alarmed. “I’ll carry you to Organic right away!”

Toast fended off his attempt to pick her up. “No! Put me down. It’s nothing that doesn’t happen every twenty eight days.”

“You need a blood bag? I didn’t think full lifes needed regular top-ups.”

She was reminded that the War Boys lived in an almost entirely male world. However she didn’t feel like taking on the task of enlightening him. “Ask the Organic Mechanic to explain it to you. I’ll come find you in a few days when I feel like driving again, okay?”

Toast escaped back into the Dome. She’d decided she was going to spend the day in bed after all.

 

Slit had only ever loved the Immortan and himself before, so he was having some difficulty with his new love for Toast the Knowing. Not the loving her part – he loved her utterly and completely – but in figuring out what to do about it. He’d known what the Immortan wanted him to do: do war, bring back booty, die a historic death that would earn him a place in Valhalla. Unfortunately those were the same things that the Wives had made very clear they didn’t want the War Boys doing.

He considered doing for the Knowing the things that pleased him. But the first things to come to mind would break Furiosa’s rules and even thinking about it was already breaking her rules, so he had to put an end to that line of thought. It was no good trying to get the Knowing extra Aqua Cola and food either; the Wives already had as much of that as they wanted. And she was already a driver, even though – Glory be to her – she didn’t think much of it.

The problem was Toast the Knowing was a woman and a Wife and therefore totally different from anyone Slit had ever known. He didn’t know how to express his love in a way that would make her happy. For now he settled for trying to convince everyone that she was the shiniest and most chrome of all the Wives. His fellow lancers agreed with him once he’d told them what she’d said to him about lancers being better than drivers. But some War Boys who’d started talking to the traitor Nux again had been infected by his love for Capable, and some loved the Dag for growing new green things to eat. Some even loved the Fragile for some reason. 

Nux. Slit scowled at the thought of his former driver. He hated to admit it, but Nux seemed to know what to do to impress a Wife so that she kept him with her as her special favorite. But Immortan Joe was already dead so it wasn’t like Slit could traitor him to impress Toast the Knowing. He wondered what else Nux did to make Capable happy. He amended the thought: he wondered what else Nux did to make Capable happy that he, Slit, wasn’t allowed to try because of Furiosa’s rules.

He’d done what the Knowing had told him to do. He’d talked to the Organic Mechanic. Organic had been amused and Slit had refused to believe what he’d told him at first. He’d cornered several of the female Wretched who now wandered the Citadel and had demanded to know whether they bled and how often. They’d misunderstood his intentions and some had offered themselves as breeders and a couple had cried, but eventually Slit concluded that Organic had been telling him the truth.

It was terrible to know that Toast the Knowing was in pain and there was nothing to be done to help her. Organic claimed they were out of painkilling medicine and that the Knowing herself wouldn’t approve of wasting it on something as minor as ‘menstrual cramps’ if they did have. That first day Slit had paced outside the vault anxiously. He hadn’t seen her again, but he’d seen Capable and had asked her about the Knowing.

“She’ll be fine,” she’d said. She’d had an amused smile, like she thought it was funny.

Slit supposed she must have been bleeding and in pain too – Organic said the Wives all bled at the same time because they lived together – but he didn’t care. He only cared about the Knowing’s pain.

He was almost in pain himself until four days later when a Pup came to inform him that he was to meet Toast the Knowing by their car at moonrise. It felt like Aqua Cola had started falling from the sky, he was so happy.


	4. Four

The War Boy Slit looked so happy to see her that for a moment Toast thought he was going to hug her. Instead he fell to his knees and bowed, holding up his arms in a V8 salute. 

“Knowing!” he exclaimed. “Glory be for your survival of the bleeding and pain.”

Toast cringed. So he had gone to the Organic Mechanic like an obedient War Boy. And in true War Boy fashion, he had no idea what was appropriate and what wasn’t. 

She tugged at his arm. “Get up. Yes, I’m fine. Thanks for your concern.”

“I live to honor you, Knowing.”

It was clear from the way he said ‘Knowing’ that he thought it was some sort of title rather than a stupid nickname Joe had given her. “Just call me Toast, all right?”

“Toast,” he pronounced reverently, like it was an honor to be allowed to say her name. 

Toast didn’t understand what was wrong with him. He hadn’t acted like this the first day she took him with her. After the morning she’d found him waiting outside the Dome for her, she’d asked Nux what that was about. Nux had told her that Slit probably thought she and he were a driver-lancer team now and he wanted to make sure he was there if she needed him. 

“So he used to wait around for you?” she’d asked Nux.

“No, course not. We always knew we’d see each other eventually. Not many places War Boys go, and ‘sides, we shared a bunk.”

“He _likes_ you,” Capable had told her later that afternoon. “He’s outside worrying about you.”

Toast could have handled an infatuated War Boy. That would have been amusing. But a worshipful one was disconcerting and more than a little annoying.

“I figured I should get in some nighttime driving practice. I’ve only ever driven at night once in my life, so consider yourself warned.”

He nodded eagerly like she’d imparted some important secret. 

Toast suppressed a sigh. “Let’s go.” 

 

Toast – it gave Slit a thrill to think of her simply as _Toast_ \- was better at driving at night. She’d been a little overly cautious at first, but once they were away from the Citadel, she fanged it like she was pursuing a fleeing feral. They were much farther out than they’d been before by the time she stopped. 

She hopped up on the hood and scooted all the way back to lean against the windshield. She wrapped her arms around herself like she was cold and looked up at the moon. 

When Nux had started having the night fevers, shivering like he was cold even though his skin was hotter than it should have been, the Organic Mechanic had instructed Slit to wrap himself around Nux to keep him warm. He wondered if he should offer to warm Toast. He couldn’t decide whether it would break Furiosa’s rules or not. Technically he’d be touching her, but he didn’t think Furiosa meant that kind of touching. 

“People used to walk up there,” Toast said. She was still looking at the moon, which was full and very chrome tonight. 

“Up on the moon?” Slit asked disbelievingly. “How’d they get up there?!”

“They had vehicles called ‘spaceships’ to take them.”

“Huh.” If she said so, then it must be true. 

Toast didn’t speak again. She closed her eyes. 

Slit knew he should keep watch to make sure Toast stayed safe, but it was so dark and silent out here that he was certain to notice any dangers long before they got close enough to threaten her. He climbed onto the roof of the car and laid on his stomach, looking down at Toast. He was like that for a long time, feeling comfortable and contented, until Toast opened her eyes and saw him above her. 

He was going to apologize – maybe he wasn’t allowed so close to her? – but she raised her hand and touched his cheek gently. 

“I’m not a goddess, Slit. And I’m not some egomaniacal, manipulative monster like Joe. I don’t need anyone to worship me.”

But she deserved worship. Slit opened his mouth to tell her, but she continued and he didn’t dare interrupt. 

“We could be friends though. Do you want to be friends?”

“Yes,” he said eagerly. “But how?”

She frowned. “War Boys have friends, don’t they?”

“Yeah. Everybody’s got to have somebody to jump in if they get in over their head taking on too many guys in the fighting pits. And you got to have a friend who’ll share his Aqua Cola if you really need it. But how can I be your friend? What can I do for you?” 

“You don’t have to do anything. Just be there. Help if I need help. Listen to me. Talk to me. It’s simple, easy.” 

He understood helping her and he couldn’t stop himself from listening to her if he tried, but what did she want him to talk to her about. “What should I tell you?”

“Anything you want.”

So Slit told her, “You look extra chrome. Even more than usual, I mean.”

He heard her mutter, “I asked for it.” Then she said more loudly, “Thank you.”

Slit couldn’t think of anything else to tell her so they lapsed back into silence. It was a nice silence though.


	5. Five

By the tenth day of their ‘friendship’ Toast could sense Slit approaching. She took a deep breath and reminded herself to be patient, that he was only an overgrown child. She looked up, and sure enough, there he was. Her reason for helping with the gardens was less than noble; she’d assumed no War Boy would venture there. Obviously she’d underestimated her new friend.

“I’m here to help,” he announced, sprawling in the dirt beside her.

“How are you today, Slit?” she asked, because she might as well teach him some manners.

“I’m good now that I found you. I looked everywhere.”

“I wanted to help here today. We all eat what’s produced here – seems like we should see where it comes from.” There, that was some good bullshit.

Slit nodded like it was the wisest thing he’d heard, and Toast had a terrible premonition that in the near future there would be a swarm of War Boys trampling the gardens, trying to help.

She plucked a bug from the leaf it was chewing and dropped it into the bowl beside her. “You can help pick these off the plants. The Vuvalini say the pesticide Joe used to use is harmful to people, so now we’ve got to get rid of the pests like this.”

He helped her in silence, thankfully, though the bugs he caught ended up in his mouth rather than the bowl.

It was miserably hot up here out in the sun. Toast wished she’d hidden somewhere cooler. Perhaps she should have shadowed Furiosa today instead. Slit seemed unwilling to approach her when she was with Furiosa. He’d lurk nearby until they finished speaking and then he would come tell her how happy he was to see her and how ‘chrome’ she looked.

She used her scarf to wipe the sweat that streamed down her face, neck, and chest, and turned to suggest a water break to her helper. She found him staring at her hungrily. There was no other word for it. More disturbing than that was her reaction. She didn’t feel threatened or unnerved by this reminder that he was not a little boy. She felt excited by it.

“That’s enough for today,” she said. “Thank you for your help.”

She had to get away from Slit and this uncomfortable realization that he was a man. Furiosa had to need help with something. Toast would be safe with her. She fled.

 

Slit had thought long and hard about it, and he’d decided that there was only one person who could help him. He found the traitor in his favorite spot in the repair bay, lying under a car and teaching a War Pup where to check for leaks. Slit kicked his foot and called his name reluctantly so he’d know who wanted him.

Nux slid out from under the car and straightened to his full height, arms loose at his side. He looked wary, which pleased Slit, even though he wouldn’t dare break the no-harming-Nux rule Furiosa had imposed. “Slit,” Nux said in greeting.

He’d meant to play this cool, but he couldn’t contain himself. “What’s your secret?” he demanded.

“Secret?” Nux asked uncertainly. “What secret?”

“How’d you let Furiosa allow you to touch that Wife?”

“You’re not making sense, Slit.”

“Furiosa said War Boys weren’t allowed to touch the Immortan’s Wives or even think about touching them, but everybody’s seen you and Capable hanging all over each other and Furiosa hasn’t castrated you yet or you’d be at Organic’s still recovering. So how’d you get Furiosa to grant you an exception to the rules?”

The pup Nux had been instructing crawled out – and it wasn’t a pup. It was the Wife Capable. Slit recoiled.

But she was smiling at him. “You don’t need Furiosa’s permission, Slit. The only person who can decide whether someone is allowed to touch them is the person who’d be touched. And no one should control what anyone thinks.”

“So I can think about Toast all I want?”

Capable nodded.

“And I can touch her if she says I can?”

Capable nodded again and her smile got even brighter. Slit didn’t understand what she was so happy about, but he appreciated her help. He decided she was the second most chrome of the Wives.

“Thanks,” he said.

Capable wrapped her arm around Nux’s middle and leaned into him. “Good luck,” she said to Slit, as if she expected him to run off to ask Toast about touching her right away.

“Good luck,” Nux echoed.

Slit decided to forgive him for traitoring the Immortan. After all, if Nux hadn’t turned traitor, then the Immortan might have caught his Wives and locked them back up in the vault and Slit wouldn’t have gotten to be friends with Toast and possibly touch her.

“You could learn from worse than him,” he said to Capable, and watched as astonishment appeared on Nux’s face at this high praise. Slit gave him a friendly clap on the shoulder Capable wasn’t clinging to, and went to find his friend Toast.


	6. Six

Toast wasn’t surprised to turn around and find Slit waiting for her. After all, half a day had passed since he’d last appeared to tell her she looked chrome and ask if she needed any help. He was right on schedule. 

“Slit,” she greeted him, trying to keep the exasperation out of her voice. 

“I want to ask you something.”

Well, this was a change in pattern. He looked uncomfortable too, almost afraid. “What is it?” she asked, genuinely curious about what could have this effect on him. 

“Do you want me to scrub off my paint and stop shaving my head?”

That was quite possibly the last thing she’d been expecting. _It’s about time you boys stopped making yourselves look like skeletons_ , she almost replied. 

But Slit had the air of someone making a great sacrifice. Even the youngest War Pup was painted and shaven; she’d never seen one that wasn’t. She doubted Slit could remember a time when he’d had hair, and appearing in public unpainted must be akin to appearing naked for him. 

Toast would have very much preferred to see him looking like a normal person instead of a War Boy. But she remembered what it felt like to be made up to suit Joe’s tastes, and she couldn’t do that to someone else. 

“I want you to look however you want to look,” she answered quietly. 

His relief was palpable. But he persisted, “Do you like how I look like this?”

Toast tried to ignore the white paint. She didn’t mind the battle scars; good honest scars were nothing to be ashamed of in the Wasteland. But the intentional scarified patterns were ugly because she knew the sad, pitiful reason for them. She tried to ignore those too. If you could remove all influence of Joe from him, Slit would be an attractive man. A very attractive man. 

“You look… chrome.” 

He lit up with pleasure, and at that moment he did indeed look ‘chrome’. “You’re so chrome,” he exclaimed happily. “You don’t just look chrome, you _are_ chrome.”

Toast had to laugh. It was too surreal to be standing here exchanging compliments with a War Boy. 

She hadn’t gone driving since the night she’d suggested to Slit that he simply try being a friend. His too-eager and excessive attention to her since had made her not want to go out alone with him but she hadn’t wanted to hurt his feelings by choosing a different War Boy to accompany her. She wasn’t afraid of him, not really, and she didn’t actually think he’d try anything. But it was better to be cautious. 

Only, too much caution could be just as bad. Toast didn’t want to be fearful. “Tomorrow, at noon,” she said. “Meet me at the car.”

 

Slit wanted to touch Toast, but for now he was content with thinking about touching her. He thought about touching her a lot. He could ask her for permission to touch her, but she might say no so Slit had decided that he needed to do everything he could to persuade her to say yes before he actually asked. 

He was really glad she didn’t want him unpainted and unshaven like Nux though. Nux seemed happy despite his indecent state these days, but Slit knew he’d feel silly if he had to walk around looking like that himself. 

He drew his second best knife and offered it to her hilt-first. “Here,” he said. “Want you to have this.”

She took it, but she looked puzzled. “As a gift? Or…”

Yeah, a gift. That’s what it was called when you gave somebody something without getting anything in trade. He’d learned the word some time but he didn’t remember when or how. “Yeah,” he said, nodding. “It’s a gift for you.”

He would have given her his best knife, but while it was perfectly sized for him, she had small hands and it would be too unwieldy for her to use effectively.

“Thank you, Slit.” 

The drive out was uneventful, and Toast didn’t talk while she sat on the hood on the car and Slit didn’t say anything because it seemed like she was thinking and didn’t want to be bothered. But on their way back to the Citadel, they sighted a single Buzzard vehicle. 

“Was I in their territory?” Toast called to him. 

“Nah,” he shouted back. “He’s in our territory.” He lifted a lance and readied himself to throw it. 

Instead of trying to flee, the Buzzard was speeding towards them. Slit was insulted that a lone Buzzard would think he was easy pickings. 

“Don’t swerve,” he shouted to Toast, as she turned their vehicle away. “Let him come.” 

When the distance and the angle were right, he threw the lance. It was a perfect throw and the explosive hit flipped the Buzzard vehicle. “Yes,” he shouted triumphantly. 

Toast hit the brakes and brought them to a stop. 

This car wasn’t equipped to tow the Buzzard vehicle back home and Buzzards were worthless as captives, too diseased to be of any use even as blood bags. Slit was about to explain this to Toast, who’d gotten out of their car. 

But then he saw a Buzzard crawling from the wreckage. The Buzzard must not have been injured because he managed to stand up and then he began running. 

Lances were for stopping enemy vehicles; guns and knives and fists were for stopping enemies. But Slit wanted to impress Toast, and though he’d never done it before, he knew he could hit the smaller target even at the increasing distance. He hefted another lance and hurled it at the fleeing Buzzard. 

Pieces of the Buzzard went flying everywhere. 

Toast screamed. 

Slit turned to her, worried there’d been a second Buzzard and she was in danger. But there was no other Buzzard. She was staring the dead Buzzard. 

“Toast?” he asked uncertainly. 

She turned to him and she looked horrified. Slit realized the horror was directed at him. He didn’t understand. 

“The Buzzards are still our enemies. Furiosa said so.” 

“I know.” She leaned against their car. “But he was running away, he was no danger to us.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “And if you had to kill him, you could have shot him. Getting blown up like that is no way for anyone to die.”

Slit understood her even less now. It seemed she wasn’t bothered so much by him killing the Buzzard as she was by him killing him with a lance. Slit didn’t see the difference. Dead was dead. And it had been a really good hit. He was certain none of the other lancers could have scored a hit like that. 

“We’d better fang it home so a salvage crew can come out to get the vehicle before more Buzzards come.” 

Toast nodded and got into the car. 

Slit wished he could kill the dead Buzzard again. Bastard had ruined everything.


	7. Seven

Toast wasn’t the only one who’d had an eventful day. She walked into the vault and found Capable and Nux in the bathing pool, washing black motor oil off each other. The water was already filthy and would have to be changed. 

“What happened?” she asked.

“I had a mishap,” Capable said sheepishly. 

“Could’ve happened to anyone,” Nux added quickly. 

They were going to hear about it eventually, so Toast decided to tell them. She wanted to observe Nux’s reaction. 

“Slit and I ran into a Buzzard while we were out. Slit got him with a lance.”

“Slit’s kind of an asshole but he’s a real shine lancer,” Nux said. 

“Yes, I saw,” Toast told him. “After his car was wrecked, the Buzzard climbed out and tried to run away. Slit threw a lance at him. He didn’t miss.”

Capable clapped a hand to her mouth, immediately understanding the horror. 

“Chrome!” Nux exclaimed. “Must have been a lovely sight to see.”

Toast watched as Capable put her hand on the back of Nux’s neck and as they stared at each other silently. 

Then Nux cast an abashed look at Toast. “Sorry,” he said. 

She didn’t remember when she’d started thinking of Nux as simply Nux rather than as Capable’s tame War Boy. She supposed she’d begun to think of him as different from the other War Boys, as not really one of them. 

But he wasn’t really so different. He was just trying the hardest, because he had someone to try for. As horrible as it’d been to watch Slit casually kill a man in such a brutal manner, his confusion afterwards had been worse. He honestly hadn’t understood the severity of what he’d done. Worst of all had been the realization that he’d done it in an attempt to impress her. 

Toast hadn’t said anything to him because she’d been too shocked and then because she had no idea what to say. But. Toast sighed. He was obviously emotionally attached to her, so it was her responsibility to figure something out. 

“I have to go,” she said reluctantly. 

Capable gave her an encouraging smile. Nux had already turned his attention back to scrubbing motor oil out of Capable’s hair. 

_We are not things._

The War Boys had not had Miss Giddy to teach them or books to read. They hadn’t had hundreds of days with nothing to do but think. She and the others could tell them they were not things, but they couldn’t understand it. And until they understood that they were not things, they couldn’t understand that other people were not things, that all people deserved a certain basic standard of humane treatment. 

But they weren’t a lost cause. 

Slit wasn’t in the lancer training area or in the repair bays, and when Toast finally stopped looking and asked, she was told he might be in the barracks or the fighting pits. She wasn’t ready for another display of War Boy brutality so she decided to check the barracks first. 

The barracks seemed to consist mostly of long, narrow corridors with nooks carved out from the rock to serve as sleeping places. She didn’t want to search them all, not least because most of the boys sleeping now had duties later tonight. 

She paused by the first awake occupant she saw and whispered, “Where’s Slit’s bunk?”

“Next hall over, fifth bunk on the left.” His eyes were huge in wonderment and Toast wondered what sort of rumors would start about her visit. 

She found Slit lying awake in his bunk, staring broodily at nothing. His surprise to see her quickly turned to wariness. 

Toast sighed. Capable might like being lover and mother both to a dangerous, over-sized child, but so far it was rather exhausting. 

“Move over,” she said.

Slit attempted to flatten himself against the back wall of the bunk, but there still wasn’t much space. Toast laid down beside him. 

“How did you and Nux both manage to fit in here?!”

He gave her an odd look, and pointed up. “He slept up there.”

“Oh,” Toast said. That made much more sense. There was a moment of tension when she realized she’d forced her way into a bed made for one - his bed - but she decided it would be even more awkward to get out. 

“You don’t understand why you shouldn’t have killed that Buzzard like that, do you?”

“No. He’s an enemy and he was in our territory,” he said simply.

“I was taught that you may kill someone when they’re trying to harm you or yours, but if they try to run away, then you let them. And if you have to kill someone, you do it as quickly and cleanly as possible. You don’t make people suffer more than you have to.” 

“So that’s what you want me to do?”

She wanted him to _understand_ , but this would have to do for now. “Yes, Slit, that’s what I want you to do.”

“Okay,” he said. Then he added in a vulnerable tone that shouldn’t come from someone who looked like him, “Am I still your favorite?”

She was about to reassure him that they were still friends, when she realized he hadn’t said ‘friend’, he’d said ‘favorite’. Favorite what, she almost asked him. But then she remembered Joe. Joe had liked to play favorites, had liked to make people compete for his attention. He’d never understood that none of them wanted to be his favorite wife and that being his favorite only drove Angharad to hurt herself. 

But she had no doubt the War Boys had eagerly competed to be “Daddy’s” favorite. Joe took them from their parents young and raised them in an anonymous mass. They were Pups, not little boys, and when they grew up, they were only allowed to be Boys, never men. Any individual attention they received would have been hard earned with sweat and blood. Slit had been trying to earn her notice as he would have Joe’s. 

“I’m Joe’s replacement for you?”

“Kind of.” He glanced at her, then confessed to the ceiling, “I never wanted to fuck the Immortan though.”

Toast snorted. “Neither did I.” 

“Wanted to be your special favorite, like Nux is the Wife Capable’s special favorite, but I know you’re not going to let me touch you.”

There was so much there, Toast scarcely knew where to start. “Nux is not her ‘special favorite’ - he’s the man Capable loves and the man she wants to love her. He’s her lover.” 

“You don’t love me or want me to love you,” Slit said sadly. It wasn’t a question. He knew. 

“No,” Toast said. “But I might in the future. Or I might not ever. That’s just how people are.”

She patted his shoulder. “You’re not my ‘favorite’ either; you’re my friend.” 

She could only hope that he would learn the difference soon. Poor thing. Toast wanted to hug him like she would a Pup who’d hurt himself trying too hard at some task. 

“I’m going to hug you,” she announced. “You can hug me back.”

They were already almost touching due to the limited space. Toast only had to slid her arm behind him and lean into his chest. He quickly curled an arm around her, so tightly that she knew she wouldn’t be able to get free unless he let her. 

She forced herself to stay relaxed and not give in to unease. He wasn’t going to do anything she didn’t allow him to. 

“Okay,” Toast said. “When a hug goes on for this long, it starts to become cuddling and we’re not at that stage of things yet, Slit.” 

He immediately released her and shrank back against the wall. 

Toast climbed out of his bunk. “I’ll be taking inventory of the ammunition tomorrow. You can help me with that if you’d like.”

His eager nod left no doubt that he was probably already calculating how many bullets he’d have to count before he reached the cuddling stage. 

Toast wasn’t sure even the Bullet Farm had that many bullets, but she didn’t mind him trying and that itself was something. 

 

Slit happened to be passing by when he spotted Nux alone. That was odd. He hadn’t seen Nux more than a few paces away from Capable since Nux traitored Immortan Joe. 

“Where’s your Wife?” he asked curiously. 

“She’s reading to the Pups. She likes teaching ‘em things about the world Before.”

“How come you’re not working on an engine or something?”

Nux had looked disgustingly happy every time Slit had seen him since the traitoring, but now his face fell. “Wanted to fight. I went down to the pits but no one would fight me. I’m going to go soft.”

“Furiosa said she’d shred anyone who laid a hand on you, else we’d have beaten you to death first chance we got.” 

Nux spread his arms in a challenge. “Here’s your chance.”

Slit didn’t want to kill Nux anymore. Nux was a fucking hero. He was the first Lover to one of the Immortan’s own Wives. Without him Slit wouldn’t have a chance - no matter how slim, it was still a chance - of becoming a Lover too. He figured he owed Nux better than letting him get soft. 

He gave him his nastiest grin. “Going to shred you, pup.” He lunged. 

Nux reacted slower than he would have before the traitoring. Slit was able to score several solid blows to his torso before Nux headbutted him. Nux’s favorite move. Damn, it hurt as much as ever. He grabbed Nux’s ankle as Nux tried to stomp him and yanked hard to bring him down. 

They fought until they were both too tired to continue, just lying sprawled beside each other. “You call that a fight?” Slit gasped. “I’ve been hit harder than that by a thousand day old pup.”

He was bullshitting and they both knew it. He thought Nux might have cracked a couple of his ribs. Felt like it, at least. 

Nux climbed to his feet, groaning, and then reached down to haul Slit up too. “Come on. I’ve got some Aqua Cola hidden down here.” 

They sat drinking Aqua Cola and talking shit about other Boys for a while. Then, watching as Nux absently wiped his lips, Slit was struck by a terrible realization. “You don’t wear the paint anymore,” he said urgently to Nux. “How’re you going to hide your bruises?!”

“Why would I hide them?” Nux asked, seemingly totally unconcerned. 

“So Capable won’t know you’ve been fighting!” Nux could be so stupid. 

“She’ll be so happy for me,” Nux said stupidly. “Told her how nobody would fight me. She said she would if she could. So I tried to teach her, but we, er, got distracted.” 

Slit refused to believe it. The Wives were always talking about “no unnecessary violence”. He always made sure to wear an extra thick layer of paint the day after a fight so Toast wouldn’t find out he’d been fighting. He was sure she wouldn’t like it and his chances of becoming her Lover would shrink. 

Therefore he was utterly confused the next day when she said to him, “I heard you and Nux are friends again. It was nice of you to fight with him.” And then she smiled like she was pleased with him. 

“But I thought you Wives didn’t approve of ‘unnecessary violence’?”

Her smile turned wry. “We don’t. But we realized that fighting like that is like braiding each other’s hair for you boys.”

Slit still didn’t understand. “I don’t have hair,” he reminded her. 

Toast chuckled. “I mean, we know now that there’s no malice behind your fights. It’s not violence the way we usually think of violence. We still don’t like you boys getting hurt though.”

Slit shifted his arms to cover his bruised ribs, just in case the paint had worn away. 

Later he began thinking about how Nux must have told Toast about him helping him out. Or, he realized, Nux had told Capable and she’d told Toast. Capable had told him he was allowed to think about whatever he wanted, including touching Toast, and that he could ask Toast for permission to touch her. Astonishing as it was, it seemed that Capable wanted Toast to have him as her Lover. 

That was better than helping him fight six other guys. Capable was his friend, he realized excitedly. Maybe she would help him some more. He wanted to talk to her alone and Nux had said she read to the War Pups when they weren’t together, so the next time Slit saw Nux working alone in the repair bay, he immediately ran to the den.

Capable looked surprised to see him, but she didn’t acknowledge him until she’d finished reading something about schools, which were apparently places children used to spend all day listening to adults tell them stories Before. Slit shook his head. How’d anybody learn from just listening? You had to watch older Boys do things to learn how to do things yourself. 

Each of the Pups got a hug or a kiss on the forehead before Capable let them go learn properly. Then it was just her and him. 

“How are you, Slit?”

Toast always asked him how he was too. Slit was beginning to think it was one of those things the Wives wanted everyone to do. So he said, “How are you?”

“I’m well, thank you. But how are you?”

“I wanted your help.”

“I’ll help you if I can, of course.” She was smiling at him. 

“How do I get Toast to love me?”

She gave him a look that was very gentle and sad. “Hmmm,” she said. “Well, first, you know you can’t _make_ her love you, right?”

“Of course not,” he replied. “I’d never.”

“That isn’t what…” She shook her head. “Okay. Hmmm. I think maybe the best way would be to let her realize what it’s like to be without you. Don’t go to her so much. Let her have time to notice the difference when you’re there versus when you’re not. Do you understand?”

Slit thought he did. “Yeah. Thanks.”

He was going to have to ignore Toast until she loved him. It would be difficult and he was afraid it might take a long time, but at least he’d still be able to think about her.


	8. Eight

It was only when Toast was almost asleep that she realized what had been different about today. She hadn’t seen Slit once. For the first time in dozens of days, he hadn’t ambushed her seeking attention. Maybe he was finally accepting that she wouldn’t disappear if more than half a day passed without him setting eyes on her. Good. 

But by the end of the second day with no appearance from him, Toast had started worrying. Had he been injured? Was he sick? The first thing she did the following morning was check the Organic Mechanic’s infirmary. 

“Need something, Toasty?” the Organic Mechanic asked, leering at her.

His medical skills were invaluable and he knew it. Even Joe had had to tolerate his disrespect. 

“Is Slit here?”

“Haven’t seen him since I had to explain the female reproductive system to him. Thanks for that, by the way.” 

“It’s shameful that you let him reach his age without knowing something so simple,” Toast retorted.

“Hey, missy, my job is making sure their scars don’t get infected and keeping them running ‘til their date with Valhalla. ‘Sides it wasn’t like War Boys had any reason to know about periods until you girls started-”

Toast narrowed her eyes and took a step towards him, daring him to finish that sentence. 

He shut his mouth, but when she turned her back and began walking away, he shouted, “You could at least thank me for telling him about the clitoris!”

It took all her control to ignore him and keep walking. She was in a rather bad mood by the time she located Slit sitting with a bunch of other lancers and affixing explosives to sticks. He looked perfectly whole and healthy. He was even laughing at something another War Boy was saying.

The whole group fell silent when they noticed her approaching them. Toast really didn’t want an audience. But pulling Slit aside for a private conversation would only make the scene more dramatic. 

“Are you okay, Slit?” she asked. 

“Yeah,” he replied. “How are you, Toast?”

“Wonderful,” she gritted. “I’m doing just wonderful.”

So there was nothing wrong with him. Apparently his little crush had merely ran its course. She was relieved, of course she was. It’d be nice to live her life again without him popping up to talk to her all the time. 

As the days passed, Capable began constantly asking her if she was all right - looking oddly thrilled by the possibility that she might not be - and Nux became almost wary around her. Even the Dag told her she seemed tense and brewed her a tea from the new herb she’d grown. 

One night, unable to sleep for no discernible reason, Toast got out of bed and got dressed. It was late, but not that late and anyway there were always Boys about. She ordered a pair of Repair Boys to get her car ready and then she went to get her lancer ready. 

He was asleep, but he woke quickly and grabbed her wrist when Toast shook him. 

“It’s me,” she said. “Going out for a drive. Coming?”

He was looking at her in a way she couldn’t read and he hadn’t released her wrist. 

“Lucky bastard,” muttered the War Boy in the opposite bunk. 

Slit let go of her. “Yeah.” 

She had to wait for him to put on his boots and stuff various things into his pockets and attach other things to his belt. It seemed that War Boys had only a single pair of pants, and with no other clothing to change into or blanket to sleep beneath, they slept in those pants, merely removing the things they carried during the day for comfort. 

She and the other wives had focused on taking care of the War Pups, assuming that the War Boys - being grown men - could take care of themselves. It hadn’t occurred to her that they might not realize how wretchedly they lived and so wouldn’t think to ask for better. 

They drove out into the desert in silence. Toast had used these excursions to be alone with herself, the presence of a War Boy a necessity she was able to ignore. Until now. As she turned off the engine, she acknowledged that this time she’d wanted to be alone with Slit. 

He was lying on the roof, with apparently no intention of climbing down. Toast climbed up beside him, though she chose to lie on her back rather than her stomach so she could look at the starry sky. 

Slit turned onto his side and propped his head up on his arm. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot,” he told her. 

“Then why don’t you come talk to me anymore?”

“Thought you might like me better if I wasn’t bothering you all the time.”

“You know, there’s a middle ground between jumping out at me every other hour and avoiding me completely.” 

Slit didn’t reply at first. Then he said, “Can I touch you?”

Touch me how, she was going to ask. But she was curious to see what he’d do if she just said yes. “Yes.”

It was too dark to make out the look on his face, but she felt his fingers on her cheek and then her neck. She expected him to grope her as he moved lower, but his fingers only briefly dipped between her breasts before coming to rest on her bare stomach. 

 

It’d worked! She’d missed him and she wanted him to talk with her and now she was even letting him touch her! Slit was extremely excited for a moment. Then his excitement turned to apprehension. What if Toast didn’t like the way he touched her? What if she thought he was mediocre?

But she might think he was mediocre if she realized he was afraid. He had to act. Slit kissed her and slid his hand between her legs. 

He was almost relieved when he felt her pushing him away. 

“Whoa,” she said. “I said you could touch me, I didn’t say you could fuck me. That’s enough.”

She didn’t sound angry though, and she stayed lying where she was. 

“Why do you like to drive out in the middle of nowhere and just do nothing?” he asked. 

“I always liked being alone, but after I was made one of Joe’s wives, I was locked up in the vault with the others and even now there’s always people around no matter where you go in the Citadel.”

Slit didn’t understand why she’d want to be alone. “I don’t think I’ve ever been alone,” he told her. 

“Hmm, right, you boys are always together in a pack.”

A thought occurred to him. “Do you want me to walk away a little distance so you can be alone now?”

Toast grabbed his hand and just held it. “No,” she replied. “I didn’t want to be alone tonight, I wanted to be with you.” 

“But you don’t want to-”

“No,” she interrupted, before he could finish speaking. 

Slit really didn’t understand. But it was nice, just lying here next to her. Though he did start to wonder how long she intended to stay out here. 

“Toast?”

“Yes?” She sounded sleepy.

“Are we going to drive back soon?”

“I like it here. Do you think we’re safe to sleep here?”

Slit considered it. They were somewhere between home and the Bullet Farm. He’d never heard of raiders prowling this area. This was firmly Immortan Joe’s territory. He corrected himself, it had been firmly Immortan Joe’s territory. But with the Immortan and the Bullet Farmer and the People Eater all dead, all sorts of filth might start getting ideas. 

“I wouldn’t risk it,” he said. He’d do his best to keep her safe, of course, but he’d rather not have to stand watch all night. 

“A War Boy not wanting to take a risk?” Toast teased. “But as I understand it, the driver outranks the lancer and I’ve decided we’ll risk it.”

If Nux had made a stupid call like that, Slit would have argued with him. But he didn’t want to argue with Toast. He slid down from the car so he wouldn’t get too comfortable and risk falling asleep. 

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“Got to piss,” he said, because now that he was up, he did have to piss. 

He went off a decent distance, keeping the car in sight, and when he came back, it seemed Toast was asleep. Slit sharpened his knives for a while. Then he paced around and around the car. He did push-ups until his arms were unable to support him and he just laid on his face in the sand until he summoned the strength to roll over. 

That reinvigorated him for a short time, but it was getting harder to stay awake. Usually a War Boy didn’t have to stand guard alone for such a long time. The stars were gone from the sky now. 

He heard Toast moving about and turned to watch her climb down from the roof of the car. 

“You’re still awake?” she asked, not seeming to realize the implied insult. Slit prided himself on having never once fallen asleep on guard duty. 

“I’m cold,” Toast complained. She was shivering. 

It was colder than before, but Slit was used to it. She was a Wife though. “I could keep you warm,” he offered.

Toast snorted cynically.

“It’s not like that,” he insisted. “Just sharing body heat like I would with another War Boy. I’m not going to touch you otherwise, I swear.”

She laid down beside the car and gestured to him. “Okay, come here. Even the sand is cold now.” 

Slit wrapped himself around her and tried his best to pretend she was just an usually small and soft War Boy. She could be a Pup. 

But the Pups didn’t smell this nice. 

Slit had never known something could be so good and so terrible at the same time. He stared at the horizon, wishing the sun would hurry and rise already.


	9. Nine

Toast awoke slowly. Her eyes opened just enough for her to see that there was light before closing again. Her bed felt different. It was gritty and hard, not soft and smooth. She was lying half on her stomach and half on her side. Her blanket was nice and warm on top of her, but it felt heavier than usual. Much heavier than usual.

That last realization woke her up fully. She lying out in the middle of the wasteland with Slit serving as her blanket because she hadn’t remembered how cold it could get out here when she’d decided to stay. So now she had Slit on top of her. And he felt surprisingly comfortable there. She almost wanted to stay like this.

Toast reminded herself that Capable and the others might be worrying about her. She tried to get up, but Slit had his arms around her, and his hold tightened as she tried to get free. “Slit,” she called, and she elbowed him gently. 

“What?” he murmured sleepily. He nuzzled her neck and ground himself against her. 

Then he realized where he was and what he was doing. He scrambled off her hastily. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to touch you.” 

She believed him. “I know.” 

He had the look of someone who hadn’t slept well. Toast felt guilty. She hadn’t expected a big tough War Boy to be so uneasy about sleeping out in the open. 

“You were an excellent blanket,” she told him. “Very warm and comforting.” 

“I fell asleep,” he said unhappily. “I’ve never fallen asleep on guard duty before.”

Toast frowned. “You weren’t on guard duty. You were with me.”

“Yes,” he said sharply. “I was supposed to be keeping you safe. You could have been killed or carried off.”

“Not with you on top of me. I’d say you had me quite secure.” She remembered him being awake and up when she’d woken up cold. Had he been up almost the whole night, thinking he was supposed to guard her? Now Toast really felt guilty. 

She crawled over to him and laid her head on his chest. “I’m sorry, Slit. I didn’t know staying out here for the night meant you were obliged to stay awake all night.” 

She added, after a while, “You can put your arms around me if you want to.”

“Wouldn’t that make it cuddling?”

Toast chuckled. “Yeah, but it’s okay. I’d say we’re at that stage after last night.”

She did like how his arms felt around her. He had nice arms and nice shoulders and a nice chest. Perfect for holding her like this. “You’re pretty good at cuddling.” 

“What’s the stage after this one?”

Toast couldn’t help laughing. “I’m making them up as I go along.” 

“Oh.” 

Toast would have content to stay like this a while longer, but Slit didn’t seem to share her contentment. 

“Can we go home and cuddle there instead of here?”

That raised uncomfortable questions and feelings for Toast. She was perfectly happy to be with him like this out here, but she wasn’t sure she was ready for other people to see her with him. She’d couldn’t help judging Capable for taking a War Boy for a lover and, well, she was afraid other people would judge her for the same offense. 

Toast groaned. When had she started caring what other people thought? This poor man had stayed awake almost all night to protect her; she shouldn’t be ashamed of him, she should be ashamed of herself. 

“Do you have any Aqua Cola in the car? I drank all mine already,” Slit said, apparently resigning himself to being stuck out here indefinitely. 

“I do, but we’re going home. Come on.” 

Toast drove back to the Citadel rather recklessly, too distracted to pay attention. Luckily there wasn’t really much that required attention. It was just barren desert out here. The greenery crowning the Citadel was a welcome sight. 

Usually they went their separate ways when they returned home, but when Slit turned to go, Toast grabbed his wrist. “Come with me.”

She led him up to the Dome and into the vault, letting go of his arm only when they stood beside the bathing pool. “Get in,” she ordered. 

Slit just stared at the water. 

“If we’re going to do this, you’re going to wash off that paint first so I can see you properly.” She wasn’t going to take a War Boy to bed, she was going to take _Slit_. 

“There’s sand everywhere,” she complained, although it was the result of her own doing. She stripped off her clothes and waded into the bath. 

Slit was still standing there, staring. 

Toast beckoned to him impatiently. “Well?”

“Aqua Cola,” he said reverently. “So much Aqua Cola.”

Toast tried to remember her own first sight of the pool. She’d been rather too upset at the time to be awed, but plentiful water was a great luxury. Still, she was standing here naked and Slit didn’t seem to care. However ‘chrome’ she might be, she obviously wasn’t as ‘chrome’ as ‘Aqua Cola’. Toast had to laugh. 

“Slit?”

He finally seemed to actually see her. 

“Take off your boots and trousers and get in here so I can scrub Joe off you.” 

“Immortan never touched me,” he said, making it sound like a shameful admission. 

But he was getting naked so Toast didn’t bother explaining her meaning to him. She was scrubbing him thoroughly when Capable and Nux emerged from their bedroom. From the look of them, Toast could guess the reason for their late start to the day. 

“Slit!” Nux exclaimed. “Isn’t it shine how they have all this Aqua Cola to play in?”

Toast hid herself behind Slit, though she seemed to be the only one in the room who cared about anybody’s nakedness. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Slit was demanding of Nux. 

Capable grabbed Nux’s arm and began dragging him back to their room. She looked inordinately happy. “Let’s let Toast have some privacy.” 

Toast deemed Slit adequately clean of War Boyhood and sand. She climbed out of the bath and pushed open the door to her bedroom. “Coming?” she called to her would-be lover. 

 

There was only one person Slit had ever been afraid of, and that was the Bag of Nails herself, Imperator Furiosa. His right eye had never fully healed since that time she’d bashed his face in just for messing with that mediocre Buzzard-spawn, Morsov. But Slit was a devout War Boy, and after giving thanks at the altar of Holy V8, he knew he needed to also thank the person who’d delivered all these new blessings to his life.

He knelt outside the room now known as her ‘office’ and clasped his hands in a salute. She saw him through the open doorway and he heard her heave a sigh. 

“What now?”

“I’ve come to thank you for traitoring the Immortan,” Slit said. He couldn’t help adding, “You should’ve done it ages ago.” 

Furiosa gave a dry laugh. “Toast finally gave in to your dubious charms? I thought the girl had better sense than that.” 

It was hard to bite his tongue when she insulted his beloved Toast, but Slit reminded himself that he’d come to express his gratitude, not to anger her. “Toast the Knowing has made me her Lover,” he acknowledged proudly. 

He’d done his best to fulfill the most important of his duties as her Lover. He’d approached it as he would lancing; paying close attention to the environmental conditions and adjusting his aim as needed. He was pretty sure he’d scored a perfect hit; Toast had said “oh” and “yes” a lot. 

“I freed five women from captivity and killed the man who-” She didn’t finish the sentence, shaking her head and looking grim. “But the important thing is that I helped you get laid, Slit. I accept your gratitude.”

He was almost certain she was being sarcastic. He dropped the salute and climbed to his feet, but he did bow before turning and walking away because she really was responsible for the good fortune he enjoyed these days. 

He returned to the vault, feeling absolutely thrilled to be allowed to enter quarters that the old Immortan had never allowed any War Boy near. Besides the pit of Aqua Cola, this place also had more books than Slit had ever imagined existed. The repair bays and the Blood Shed had a few books, but those mostly had diagrams of the insides of vehicles and people and instructions on how to fix them. 

These books had mostly words. Too many words, really. Slit felt dizzy when he tried to read more than a few lines. But a few had pictures of things he’d never seen and even things he’d never heard of. He already had ideas of what to carve into his skin next, after he got Toast’s name and Toast’s face done. 

He let himself into the room that belonged exclusively to Toast - she’d explained the concept of privacy and why he wasn’t to go into the others’ rooms - and sighed at the sight of the second most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. 

The ‘bed’ thing was almost too soft and comfortable. When Slit had awoken on it, with Toast in his arms, he’d been certain he was in Valhalla. If it wasn’t for doing war and training to do war, Slit would never leave the vault. 

Right now Toast was with the two old women who called themselves ‘the Vuvalini’, which was the only reason Slit wasn’t by her side. The old women were meaner than Furiosa and liked him even less than she did. He laid down on the bed, moaning blissfully at the almost unbearable comfort, and waited to be called upon to perform his duties as a Lover.


End file.
